Manjula Shaw, CFP®, CDFA®
“Tips from the Trenches” is a series of articles based on conversations with professionals who work with individuals facing or considering the prospect of divorce. Watch this space for conversations with professionals in family and collaborative law, such as forensic-certified public accountants, mediators, marriage counselors, family court judges, and valuation specialists.
Manjula Shaw is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®) and an Asst. Vice President at Tanglewood Legacy Advisors. As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®), Manjula specializes in helping individuals navigate the financial complexities of late-stage divorce, including asset division, alimony, and child support. She is trained by Collaborative Divorce Texas as an independent, neutral financial expert committed to helping divorcing couples and families navigate competing and shared needs and develop solutions that best fit the parties and their children without court intervention.
Manjula’s conversation is with Christy Mendelow, a Board-Certified Divorce Coach and former host of “The Divorce Coaching Hour.” Christy practices faith-based divorce coaching in the greater Houston area.
What is a Divorce Coach?
A divorce coach helps individuals or couples manage the practical and emotional challenges of going through a divorce. While not a lawyer, financial professional, or therapist, a divorce coach often has experience in areas such as law, mental health, mediation, or coaching, and works in coordination with legal and mental health professionals. Their role is to support decision-making, planning, and communication, essentially acting as a project manager for the divorce process.
Christy explains divorce coaching as a vehicle that takes the client from “point A to point B over a rocky terrain.” According to Christy, the core of her coaching lies in asking powerful questions to help clients gain clarity and identify their solutions. For example, her client was struggling to make decisions on aspects of a parenting plan; Christy asked her client, “What’s your non-negotiable?” This simple question allowed her client to cut through the noise and focus on two or three things that were most important to her. Christy explicitly states, “We don’t give them advice; we don’t tell them what to do.” She believes her approach fosters empowerment, for the client to “figure out the answers for themselves.”
How is a Divorce Coach Different from a Marriage and Family Therapist?
A marriage and family therapist looks to address deep emotional pain or mental health issues. They generally help a client process trauma and emotional issues that happened in the past. A divorce coach helps a client look forward, stay organized, plan, and manage day-to-day stress and decisions. Some of the areas are:
I. Better Communication – A divorce coach can teach their client how best to respond rather than react in difficult conversations.
II. Strategic Planning – clarify your goals regarding child custody, finances, and housing, and help develop a realistic plan. A divorce coach can be handy for helping you organize paperwork and prepare for meetings with lawyers, mediators, or financial advisors. Christy offers a package that includes assessments and “values exploration sessions” to help clients “root their decisions in their values, their strengths, and their passions.” In Christy’s opinion, such an assessment provides a foundation for informed decision-making.
III. Potentially Save Time and Money – By helping a client stay focused and prepared, a coach can reduce the time spent spinning one’s wheels or taking up the bandwidth of professionals who may have a higher billing rate. Typically, Christy’s sessions are fifty minutes long and focus on building rapport, defining a clear outcome for the session, and identifying measurable success criteria. She encourages clients to “jot down some ideas of ways to move forward,” promoting self-generated solutions.
A challenging yet positive case involved a client who painstakingly interviewed five to seven attorneys to find the right fit. Christy views the process her client went through as a success because, in her mind, the client became a credible client who knew what they wanted and was ready to move forward with their legal team, saving the attorney time on emotional processing.
When Does Hiring a Divorce Coach Make Sense?
Typically, in a high-conflict or emotionally draining divorce. Suppose you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unprepared, and you are hoping to mediate out of court. And finally, if you seek to rebuild life with confidence after divorce. A divorce coach can work in synergy with the client’s family lawyer and their Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® to achieve a positive outcome in what is a challenging and emotional time.
Contact Manjula Shaw at mshaw@family-cfo.com if you have any questions.
Link to Manjula’s blog on all topics divorce is Blog – Family CFO
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