Manjula Shaw, CFP®, CDFA®
“Tips from the Trenches” is a series of articles based on conversations with professionals who work with individuals facing or considering the prospect of divorce. Watch this space for conversations with professionals in family and collaborative law, such as forensic-certified public accountants, mediators, marriage counselors, family court judges, and valuation specialists.
Manjula Shaw is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®) and an Asst. Vice President at Tanglewood Legacy Advisors. As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®), Manjula specializes in helping individuals navigate the financial complexities of late-stage divorce, including asset division, alimony, and child support. She is trained by Collaborative Divorce Texas as an independent, neutral financial expert committed to helping divorcing couples and families navigate competing and shared needs and develop solutions that best fit the parties and their children without court intervention.
Manjula’s conversation is with Jennifer Leister, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor. She has more than two decades of experience working with children, adolescents, and families in transition.
Giving Your Child a Voice During Divorce
A Child Specialist (CS) is a trained professional, often a psychologist, therapist, or counselor, who works with families during the Collaborative Divorce process to help them address the emotional and developmental needs of their children. If you are new to the concept of Collaborative Divorce, you can read my article about it here. The Child Specialist gives a voice to the children in the divorce. Jennifer maintains that children’s voices are heard in divorce litigation through various roles such as guardian ad litem, custody evaluators, and judicial interviews. She believes that children’s voices should also be heard in a Collaborative Divorce, which she considers a more effective way to divorce than litigation.
When she begins working with a family, Jennifer describes herself as operating in a bubble or a vacuum during the initial interview process to maintain impartiality. She gathers very little information from adults beforehand, preferring to enter the interview “blind” to avoid adult narratives and ensure that the information comes directly from the children. She only contacts the team during interviews in the event of a crisis.
Under what Circumstances is a Child Specialist Recommended?
While some might see the role as most useful in high-conflict divorce cases and cases where addiction is involved, Jennifer believes that the Collaborative team could bring in a CS under all circumstances to give a voice to the children. In her opinion, the role is not just about eliciting children’s views, but also about educating the children about divorce, addressing their concerns and worries, and ensuring their needs are met, including understanding their behavior, feelings, and needs. Jennifer works with children of all ages, from toddlers to teenagers.
In Jennifer’s opinion, by answering children’s questions and identifying their needs early, her role helps them adjust to the life changes they are going through in a healthy manner. In her practice, Jennifer found that many children didn’t want to tell their parents how they felt because they didn’t want to hurt their parents’ feelings, despite grieving the end of their parents’ marriage.
Scope and Limitations of the Child Specialist Role
I. Information Gathering, Not Decision-making: The child specialist’s primary function is to gather information from the children as part of the roadmap to Collaborative Divorce. This information is a data point, no different from marking the correct number on the couple’s financials. It is then up to the Collaborative team to utilize this data to help parents make informed decisions.
II. No Parenting Plan Recommendations: Crucially, a CS does not make recommendations regarding parenting, such as parenting plan schedules or holiday arrangements. In Jennifer’s opinion, a Child Specialist is not a custody evaluator. Jennifer says that the family code is “very clear regarding how possession and access recommendations are made.”
III. Therapy Recommendations: A CS can provide clinical recommendations if they identify a therapy issue. However, the execution remains a parent’s decision. Jennifer notes that she “can’t recall a case where I made a therapy recommendation that the parent just said I am not going to do that.” Jennifer finds that her recommendations are usually well-received due to their evident mental health rationale.
IV. Clinical vs. Team: Issues such as loyalty conflicts or parental alienation, while revealed through the child’s voice, are often more parenting or clinical issues that may require subsequent therapy, which the child specialist can recommend but does not directly assist children in navigating.
Jennifer measures success by how she perceives what the children are feeling and the feedback she receives from parents regarding whether the information she provides is helpful. Jennifer notes that the majority of her cases do not opt out of the Collaborative process. Opting out of the Collaborative process means the couple would need to conclude their divorce in an alternate method. In her experience, Jennifer has never heard a team say that the information she provided wasn’t helpful. On average, Jennifer completes the scope of work in five hours. While the role of a Child Specialist may be seen as bringing a niche skill set to a Collaborative Divorce setting, in practice, giving a child a voice is a critical component of a successful divorce.
Contact Manjula Shaw at mshaw@family-cfo.com if you have any questions.
Link to Manjula’s blog on all topics divorce is Blog – Family CFO
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